Preparing for inevitable surprises in a ‘blended’ family.’

Today I went on a field trip with my daughter to see the Utah Symphony perform. During the performance, a classmate sitting in front of us turned around and held up a bloody hand holding a silver tooth. “My tooth just came out!  He exclaimed. I quickly got the teacher’s attention and bless her heart! She had tissues and a little baggie in her purse. She passed it down the row and the boy gently put the tooth in the baggie and the tissue in his mouth to stop the bleeding. He enjoyed the rest of the show with no mishaps.

As I leaned back in my chair, I thought about how I had left my purse home. I had rationalized that I wouldn’t need it because I wasn’t driving or buying anything. Even if I had had my purse, I didn’t have any tissues or any kind of baggy.

This experience made me think about the importance of preparing for the inevitable. Mrs. Lerohl knew instinctively as a 4^th grade teacher that carrying tissues, band aids and baggies would serve her well. She was prepared for a host of surprises.

In a stepfamily, how can we prepare beforehand for inevitable surprises? In my experience these tools have served me well.

1. Bring your flexibility. In stepfamily living parents and kids are operating with many different schedules, pick-ups, drop-offs, and situations were expectations (Oh! You want just your father at this parent teacher conference.) may not be met. Rolling with situations in flexible ways makes for better communication, understanding and overall better relationships. An unyielding attitude may equal greater pain and distance in all situations. For example, a daughter may want to attend a sleepover on her mom’s weekend. Even though Mom may feel disappointed, allowing some freedom and flexibility in these types of situations will yield good fruit. I knew a father who allowed his fourteen-year-old son to move in with his mother.  Even though he had his misgivings, he felt it best to allow his son this choice. The Dad watched as his misgivings came true. Son moved back after three months and Dad told me that his son was more grateful for his life with Dad. Good for this dad for allowing his son freedom to choose.
2.  Communication! Healthy communication skills make all the difference in unexpected situations. In my book, A Practical Guide for Latter-day Saint Stepfamilies, I delve into 8 elements of healthy communication. These include effective listening, right time and place, honesty, inner communication, daily communication, correct messaging, empathy and the ever-important art of apology. If you are looking for support in any of these areas please refer to my book! (Chapter 3: Pouring the Foundation: Relationship Skills, 23-59)
3. Christ-like Charity In 1 Peter 4:8 it reads, “above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” What a beautiful promise! If we have charity, many mistakes or other sins will be covered! Pray for charity. Study charity and then put it into practice and watch the miracles happen! From my own experience, charity is the best way we can prepare for any situation. If we have charity we shall not fail! Our families will be blessed by our efforts.

Reflection:

What ways can you be flexible in your family?

What areas of communication do you need to work on in your family?

How can you foster greater charity in your home and in your heart?

What other ways can you prepare for issues that may arise in your family relationships?