When adult children choose to pull away or cut off members of the family

I recently found myself talking with a friend about relationships with adult children. She had close and meaningful relationships with her adult sons but struggled to connect with her only adult daughter. She said that her daughter hardly called and when they called her, she wouldn’t answer. Visits were even less than the phone calls.

I was sincerely surprised. I admired this friend in so many ways. Her tremendous love and patience with others, her faith and sense of humor. I assumed all her relationships were strong and healthy.

I was once again reminded that no matter your heart, children may choose to close the door to your love.

I completely understood her pain. My husband and I had experienced times in our family were children pulled away, stopped visiting and basically checked out of our lives. With several of our children this proved an ongoing challenge, especially after they decided to stop attending church / or to believe in God.

At times I felt like a complete failure as a stepmom. I racked my brain for anything else I could do to help the situation.

Finally, I had to learn to step back, disconnect from anxious attachment and allow our adult children to take responsibility for their choices. For my health and sanity, I would need to let go of fantasies and unmet expectations for our family.

After years of struggling with several of my adult stepchildren’s choices, I found peace.

I was thankful that my friend confided her difficulties to me because it helped normalize my own experience. Even biological Moms have children who pull away and disconnect emotionally! Imagine that! ( tongue in cheek 🙂

My husband and I want nothing more than to love and support all our children, but you can’t force a child to stay connected to family. No matter how much you wish they would.

Jesus Christ, the father of our salvation, wants us to come unto him. He stands with open arms, beckoning us to his love and peace.

Sometimes his children turn away or distance themselves from his love.

Even though he offers salvation, he is rejected, refused, and even mocked.

Yet…

He never forces us to open a door to his presence.

He waits patiently.

He continues to love us.

His example is the answer.

Lean on him when family relationships are difficult, cut off or messy.

He will send you healing, peace and hope.

Reach for him in scriptures study and prayer. He will answer you in your need.

He has a plan for your family.

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